How long to be friends before dating

28 Jan

I saw a funny picture the other day that said: “A good friend is like a good bra: Hard to find, supportive, comfortable, always lifts you up, makes you look better, and is close to your heart.” Okay, so maybe there are better analogies out there, but it’s true that great friendships are hard to come by!The ingredients in a friendship are the exact components that you will bring into a romantic relationship, so it’s great to have an idea of what you’ll be building upon before your heart gets romantically involved.What I’d like to do is help you mitigate that risk a bit so that you don’t end up wasting too much time on the “wrong” men. All he knows on the first date is that he’s attracted to you.Which brings us to a notion that I articulated in which has a funny way of always resurfacing on this blog: “Men look for sex and find love.” This doesn’t mean he’s a player or a liar or a loser. The way he figures out if he really wants to be in a relationship with you is based on the quality time you spend talking over that first month or two.

Of course, we should consistently try to be these things as often as humanly possible, but the fact of the matter is that we are all going to have bad days. Life throws us curveballs – and expecting a shining exterior every second of every day is not only unrealistic, but it is also dishonest. How are you going to survive your 4-hour drive in the car together? We need this type of comfort to just be able to sit with each other in silence and not feel a nagging urge to say or do something to break the silence. It’s not like you are going to choose a random person off the street – but what’s more is that your friends know how you think and you know how they think.

It’s important to remember, however, that nobody escapes matters of the heart completely unscathed.

In 99% of relationships, either he’s breaking up with you or you’re breaking up with him. Which means that there’s a bit of risk involved in any relationship, and there’s not a single thing that your trusty dating coach can do to entirely eliminate that risk. This disconnect explains almost all of the friction in dating and once you understand it, you can make a permanent adjustment.

And if it’s important to you, it’s important to me.

You’ve said it to me loud and clear; you’ve been hurt before, you don’t want it to happen again, and you definitely don’t want to waste your time.